I knew this girl in college. We were both in the same program at school, and didn't really hit it off at first. We got put in a class together (a class of like 5 people) and so we bonded and became what I would like to refer to as, pretty great friends. We called each other our PIC's. Partners in Crime from our favorite movie, Role Models. We graduated college and remained close. I know her family, she knows mine.
When she got engaged a little over a year and a half ago, I was so excited for her. I couldn't wait to hear all about her wedding plans etc. She waited a year to pick a date. She was considerate of everyone when she picked a date. She mentioned that she had trouble trying to find a date that worked well with everyone. She picked May 30th 2014, and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was beyond excited and happy for the event. She asked me in July of 2013.
Fast forward to August 23rd 2013, A proposed to me!! I called all my friends and told them the good news. Of course, the first thing on the agenda was to pick a venue. We all know a venue comes before the date. We spent a couple a week looking at different venues. We fell in love with a place called The Overlook. So, I went thru the same trouble of trying to find a date that would work out well for everyone. I also had several stipulations of my own. I didn't want summer, I wanted something in April or May, something on a Saturday or Sunday blah blah. After going thru several dates with our parents, we chose May 18th 2014. A Sunday.
Now this friend was not going to be in my bridal party. We decided on 4 parties on each side, and I had 4 other people I wanted. But I knew that having a date so close to hers, that maybe she would be worried about me not making it to some of her events etc. But I knew I was going to make sure to make it to EVERYTHING of hers. Because I WANTED to!!! A and I also planned our honeymoon for June (because of her wedding and because I work for a school district and get summers off).
I told this friend about my date, knowing she would be a little upset, but not knowing she would react the way she did. Over the next couple days, she continued to ignore me. I would send her messages about what I needed to be doing for her wedding, sent her my measurements from my fitting of the bridesmaids dress, even asking for her MOH information because I wanted to be helping out.
Then I got an e-mail from her that said this
"I wanted to write this to you to try and explain exactly why I feel the way I do about this whole situation. You wanted me to be honest with you, so here it is.
To be completely honest with you the reason that I am so upset is because it feels like you don't really care about me or my wedding at all. And yes, in your words, you are stealing my thunder, and it kind of feels like it's on purpose. I just don't feel like planning a wedding for less than 2 weeks before mine is something someone that is supposed to be a good friend of mine would do. I would understand if there was some reason that you absolutely had to do it as quickly as possible, but it didn't seem like that was the case. Like I said in our previous conversation, if the situation were reversed you know that someone doing this to you would upset you too. The weeks and days leading up to your wedding are usually the most stressful and I would like to have to ability to put all my extra energy into my own wedding not someone else's and I want you to have the same ability.
All of this being said, I want you to have the ability to enjoy the planning of and your wedding itself without other worries so I think it would be better for both of us if you attend my wedding as a guest instead of my bridesmaid. I don't want my wedding taking the excitement out of yours for you. Thank you for wanting to be a part of everything, but I just think it would be better this way."
I emailed her back several days later explaining myself and said that the friendship was in her hands. I have never heard back from her. That was in October. I can't help but think about it sometimes when I am thinking about wedding things. She was one of my best friends. I truly miss her friendship, and extremely hurt by her. I wonder if that feeling will ever subside. Sometimes, I think it does and sometimes I don't think does.
Has anyone else ever had a friend do something like this? Do you think I was in the wrong? I am curious to know peoples response.
If you are still reading, I applaud you. I lost interesting in writing it about half way thru. No lie!! :) So Thank You.
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